I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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