Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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