i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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