Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
