actually, I'm a sock model
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
