I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
