I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I want to fling myself into the sun
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
