all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
