It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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