My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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