The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
