i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
