Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
