New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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