I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
