hell yes lets make some ravioli
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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