you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
