yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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