i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
