Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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