im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
