Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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