omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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