Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
