She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
