so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
