Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
