Well douche your snatch and let's go!
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
