just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
