He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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