Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
