Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Those nachos came to me in a dream
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
