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• (312): View more from Illinois

  i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'

  (312): View more from Illinois

  i was like PREG?

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• (604): View more from British Columbia

  he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?

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• (785): View more from Kansas

  It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon

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• (731): View more from Tennessee

  Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.

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• (209): View more from California

  His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.

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• (407): View more from Florida

  When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.

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• (925): View more from California

  Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.

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• (212): View more from New York

  He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.

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• (416): View more from Toronto

  We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.

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• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.

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• (850): View more from Florida

  i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”

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