I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
ttyl tear gas
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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