wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
