Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
