I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
