If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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