Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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