he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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