Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
