you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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