he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i love accidental penises.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
