he puts the penis in happiness.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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