when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
