There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
