I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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