I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
