So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
