I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
