Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
