did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
