is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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