the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
