i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
